All good things must come to an end.

The past two days really, have been rough for me. I had my year end review for Catalyst yesterday. It brought this finality to the end of my two years of ministry school that just wasn’t there up until now. Up until now it’s been this great break from classes and looking forward to the end of internship this weekend. I mean I joked with Paul last weekend that he had only one more week to call me and ask me to pick up something that was forgotten at Main St. It’s all been this kind of fun, relaxing break…until yesterday.

Yesterday I realized that it’s over.

I thought this day would never come. But it’s here…and it makes me sad. I mean I have a couple loose ends to tie up but it’s pretty much over and done with. And I sat in Billy’s office for the last time as a Catalyst student yesterday. I sat there with Billy, Jason and Mary and talked about my two years, my experience. It felt so final. So complete.

I realized a lot of things in Billy’s office yesterday.

First and foremost I learned that Billy Phipps really has been the most influential person that happened to me during Catalyst. He has been my spiritual mentor for two years. He knows more about me than most people. My mistakes, my triumphs, how I deal with my life, he knows it all. When I can’t figure out things about my life, when I’m frustrated, he’s frustrated too. He reminded me that he will always be there. That his office door is always open. That they, (him and Annie,) aren’t going anywhere. That I will always be his “best ever.” I sat in that office and cried like I always do knowing that he meant what he said and that God gave me Billy Phipps and his family to fill a hole in my heart that God has always known was Phipps sized.

I learned that I have grown in the past two years in ways I never thought possible; and that other people have noticed it too. That even though I never fully realized God’s purpose for my life that’s ok…I put another piece in that puzzle and I really think that between me and God that puzzle is just missing a couple pieces, and I’m not gonna stop looking until I find them. (I just hope the dog didn’t eat them!)

I also learned that God can take someone who has known you for a very small amount of time and give them insight into your life that you had no idea someone else could see. Jason Ramos is amazing…I’ll start with that. I look forward to getting to know him and Denise alot better. Jason said something yesterday that I never expected to hear, and that I realized he figured out without even knowing most of my background. Jason said to me that I am a “momma” to so many people, whether it’s been chosen for me or if I have taken it on myself. And he encouraged me to take those experiences and realize that God is probably preparing me for a ministry where I would need those skills. That’s a lot to take in, to think about, to realize that God is constantly preparing us for ministry. This isn’t a surprise but sometimes I just don’t realize that my struggles, the things that stress me out so much are Gods way of saying, “Hey, you’re gonna be more than prepared for what I am going to give you. I’ve trained you personally and there is no better trainer than me.” Jason said God has amazing things for me, Billy said it too, and I believe them because they believe it and they can see in me what I can’t see in myself. And that amazes me.

I cried more yesterday in Billy’s office than I normally do. I don’t think it’s the most I have cried in that office, (that office could make the most stoic person cry like a baby,) but it was definitely one of the more emotional meetings I have had in there. A ton of other things were said and I guess those are mine to keep…but it’s over. Really over. That’s scary…life can happen however I choose it too.

God please help me make the right decisions. Guide my steps and let me never forget what I have learned these past two years.