She can see Pike Place Market. It's gorgeous.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
I like big mugs and I can not lie!
Alright, alright, I know that was cheesy but it's the truth. I notice everytime I go to select a mug for my coffee, or in this case amazing cinnamon-orange tea from WA, that I always select the over sized mug. Not sure why this is, maybe because the dainty mugs just make me feel like I have man hands.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Here a bridge, there a bridge, everywhere a bridge, bridge.
There are so many bridges in Portland. Its kind of crazy. Here are just two of the four I actually saw but there are many more according to my map.
It turned rainy and cold yesterday. Can't really get a good pic of it, but I tried. I think you can sense the gloominess.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Haunted Pizza Anyone?
The Old Town Pizza in downtown Portland is supposed to be haunted. I didn't see any ghosts but my pizza was fantastic!
The Japanese Garden in Portland
It was so beautiful, and the view of the city wasn't too shabby either.
I was walking along the street in Seattle and I saw this.
Made me giggle, but sometimes I wonder the same thing.
Nicole
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Seattle blesses me with vegan amazingness!
First, my green tea...second, vegan potstickers and ginger fried rice. Mmmm.
Monday, April 20, 2009
That's what I love about Sundays.
So my Saturday was pretty crappy...most of it anyhow. I had high hopes for that day but they came crashing down, literally, some time that afternoon. Saturday just totally broke me down and was redeemed later only by being with my friends and Almost Famous.
Second, Misquoting Jesus by Bart Ehrman. This was a recommendation from Mike and he says that this book might "crush (me) and how (I) think." I'm looking forward to it.
Third, Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I've wanted it for awhile. I think he's an amazing speaker and I think what this book is about is perfect for me and where I'm at right now. I've held off on buying it for a long time now, idk why, but I'm glad to own it now.
Then after I rushed home with my wonderful books it was about time to pick up Corre for his tattoo appointment. I went down with him to Costa Mesa to keep him company and talk to Carlos about some work for me. We got there and Carlos was running late with his prior appointment, (typical in the tattoo shop,) so Corre and I went over to The Lab to enjoy the freaking HOT day and check out Buffalo Exchange. It was an Earth Day extravaganza over there. They were celebrating early with a DJ and specials at all the stores. Corre picked up a hat and I just took in the sights. Then it was back to the shop to wait it out some more. Then it was time, time for Corre to endure some pain.
He may look like he's sleeping but he's concentrating on trying not to concentrate on the pain. Carlos, who I've never really had the chance to talk to, was awesome to chat with. We talked about church and veganism and a bunch of other things which Corre told me later helped to keep him from being focused on the pain. As soon as Corre was finished we headed over to Native Foods. Thanks to a little talking to from Carlos and I, Corre was open to the idea of eating there. We had an awesome vegan dinner of "Chicken" sandwiches and fries of the sweet and regular potato varieties. Even Corre agreed that it was good, I love that, when vegan food can change someone's mind about it.
All in all, Sunday was a great day.
So Sunday just had to be better...and thankfully it was. I finally made it to Borders. I have been itching to spend my Christmas present from Aunt Pammy and Uncle Brad shiny $40 giftcard for Borders. They didn't have all of the books I wanted but I was able to get some amazing books.
First, Gorgeously Green by Sophie Uliano. This is one of the books I went to look for. It's a book on the simple steps to moving towards a greener life. I'm really excited to read this book and learn the simple, easy things that I can do to make my life a little greener.
Second, Misquoting Jesus by Bart Ehrman. This was a recommendation from Mike and he says that this book might "crush (me) and how (I) think." I'm looking forward to it.
Third, Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I've wanted it for awhile. I think he's an amazing speaker and I think what this book is about is perfect for me and where I'm at right now. I've held off on buying it for a long time now, idk why, but I'm glad to own it now.
Lastly, the lastest edition of VegNews. One of my favorite magazines. Has a great looking recipe for vegan Chai Rice Pudding and had this article that a certain Philadelphian might enjoy.
Then after I rushed home with my wonderful books it was about time to pick up Corre for his tattoo appointment. I went down with him to Costa Mesa to keep him company and talk to Carlos about some work for me. We got there and Carlos was running late with his prior appointment, (typical in the tattoo shop,) so Corre and I went over to The Lab to enjoy the freaking HOT day and check out Buffalo Exchange. It was an Earth Day extravaganza over there. They were celebrating early with a DJ and specials at all the stores. Corre picked up a hat and I just took in the sights. Then it was back to the shop to wait it out some more. Then it was time, time for Corre to endure some pain.
He may look like he's sleeping but he's concentrating on trying not to concentrate on the pain. Carlos, who I've never really had the chance to talk to, was awesome to chat with. We talked about church and veganism and a bunch of other things which Corre told me later helped to keep him from being focused on the pain. As soon as Corre was finished we headed over to Native Foods. Thanks to a little talking to from Carlos and I, Corre was open to the idea of eating there. We had an awesome vegan dinner of "Chicken" sandwiches and fries of the sweet and regular potato varieties. Even Corre agreed that it was good, I love that, when vegan food can change someone's mind about it.
All in all, Sunday was a great day.
The Letter "C"
I was tagged by Candice to blog 10 things I love about the letter "c." So, here they are, in no particular order.
3. Corre - He's one of my favorites. One of the best friends I've got. Knows most of my secrets and never tells a soul. He always listens and I can trust him with any piece of information. He's an amazing friend.
4. Chihuahuas - I never thought that this little breed of dog would EVER be one of my favorite things but my little dog has turned that all around for me. She's my little 4.5 pounds of unconditional love. She relies on me to take care of her and in return she loves me like only a little dog can. Sure she shakes a whole lot and can be a little scrappy and barky but that's part of her charm. Best lil' chihuahua ever.
6. California - As much as I want to move I know I love this place. It will always be where I came from, the place I was born, that feels like home. I can't argue that the weather is amazing, even if I hate the heat. And even though I'm not a huge beach person it's nice to have the option to go to the mountains, the beach or city in the matter of an hour or two.
1. Creativity - It's one of my favorite things to do, sit down and create something. It always amazes me that a ball of yarn and a stick or two can turn into a hat, scarf, sweater, etc. or that a pencil/pen/paintbrush with paint and a piece of paper/canvas can create amazing pictures/paintings or that a camera can take the everyday things we see and turn them into captivating photographs or that musical talent and an instrument can create beautiful songs. Creativity amazes me.
2. Ceramics - Possibly my favorite studio art form. I love that you can take a slab of clay and turn it into a vessel in a very short amount of time. It's messy, immediate, hands on and fantastic. I can't wait to be in a studio again.
4. Chihuahuas - I never thought that this little breed of dog would EVER be one of my favorite things but my little dog has turned that all around for me. She's my little 4.5 pounds of unconditional love. She relies on me to take care of her and in return she loves me like only a little dog can. Sure she shakes a whole lot and can be a little scrappy and barky but that's part of her charm. Best lil' chihuahua ever.
5. Cash - As in Johnny Cash. He's probably my favorite country artist and definitely in my top 5 favorite music picks. No matter what song it is the sound of that deep, gravelly voice kind of soothes my soul.
6. California - As much as I want to move I know I love this place. It will always be where I came from, the place I was born, that feels like home. I can't argue that the weather is amazing, even if I hate the heat. And even though I'm not a huge beach person it's nice to have the option to go to the mountains, the beach or city in the matter of an hour or two.
7. Coffee - It's my morning love affair. I can't help it!! I'm a caffenaited coffee loving addict! I'm no fun in the morning until I've had my coffee, (ask anyone who's ever worked with me.) I never understood my grandma's need to make a fresh pot of it every morning but I've definitely turned into a carbon copy of her, (except she was much tougher than I am and took her coffee black.) I really love coffee...correction, I really love FAIR TRADE coffee.
8. Cake - The band...not the dessert. (Although I do love the dessert too!) Love them or hate them they are one of my top three bands. I have seen them live several times and they never disappoint, (same goes for the other two bands in my top three.) I know everyone has their favorites and agree or disagree we all know that feeling when there's a band that no matter what's going on or where you are a song comes on and something about it just makes you happy. That's Cake for me.
8. Cake - The band...not the dessert. (Although I do love the dessert too!) Love them or hate them they are one of my top three bands. I have seen them live several times and they never disappoint, (same goes for the other two bands in my top three.) I know everyone has their favorites and agree or disagree we all know that feeling when there's a band that no matter what's going on or where you are a song comes on and something about it just makes you happy. That's Cake for me. 
9. Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch Changes - Not the Bowie song...although it is awesome. I mean life changes. Lord knows I am going through a ton of them and I think on the other side of it all I know it's going to be great but change is hard. I know EVERYONE says it, but as hard as it is it's also a great thing because it makes you a little uncomfortable. And being comfortable sometimes makes us complacent. Uncomfort is nice.
10. Last but not least, Candy Cane. She tagged me to post about my favorite "C" things and she definitely makes the list. We've had our ups and downs but she's proven to me time and time again that she loves and cares about me and would do anything to help if I needed it. I adore her and hope to always have her as a part of my life. Love you Candice.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Sleep...why do you continue to elude me??
I'm so tired.
I don't sleep well and it's so frustrating. If you know me at all you know that I LOVE to sleep...naps, at night, anywhere, anytime.
Sigh...sleep...I miss you.
I don't sleep well and it's so frustrating. If you know me at all you know that I LOVE to sleep...naps, at night, anywhere, anytime.
Sigh...sleep...I miss you.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
The veg blog.
Craig & Walter (2005) from Kirsten Lepore on Vimeo.
Thank you to Chris Kretzu for the previous video. I thought it was hilarious...and I have to agree with Chris, the narwhal sounds a bit like Tommie Hogue.
I don't want to continue to contribute to the problems that raising livestock brings. Problem #1, maintaining our land. Livestock is not a sustainable crop. Actually, let me correct that, the way we raise livestock makes it a non-sustainable crop. Since we raise excessive amounts of agriculture in small areas doesn't help the land, it hurts it. Unlike certain grains and vegetables that actually help make the land more fertile, livestock raised in very small acreages damages land. Livestock creates massive amounts of waste and raising livestock on farms that don't also grow other crops doesn't make raising livestock an eco friendly, sustainable crop. (I will agree that raising livestock and other crops on one farm is the BEST way to create truly sustainable land but most farms do not operate in this way.)
Problem #2, water. It costs much more in water to raise livestock. Agriculture is the number 1 use of water in the United States, and we're running out. I mean people who think we will have water forever are kidding themselves. It's estimated California has only 20 years left of drinkable water and New Mexico only has 10. About 500 million tons of animal waste from raising animals for food are stored in manure "lagoons" each year and often some of this manure leaks into our drinking water. Last year one spill put 560,000 tons of liquid manure into Maryland's drinking water, contaminating their water with E coli. Granted raising livestock isn't the only thing that uses water, thermoelectic power plants use 40% of our water while pharmaceutical waste causes chemical contamination to our water. I can't control thermoelectricity or pharmaceutical companies but I can give up meat adding no demand from me and help to decrease the fact that 3/4 of the world's available freshwater is used for industrial agriculture. If you want to read more about this let me know and I can find some way to get an amazing article to you about it.
Problem #3, animal cruelty. I know that I probably don't need to get into how cruel the commercial farming industry can be. Chickens, cows, sheep, fish, any animal that is raised on a mass scale to feed, clothe or whatever human kind is raised in a manner that is cruel. You wouldn't cut off your dogs snout so he couldn't bite you so why do we do it to chickens? It's horrible how little regulation there is for animal rights and while I know there are bigger issues out there to be dealt with I know that I can refuse to contribute to this one.
There are farms out there that raise their livestock in a manner that is sustainable and do not believe in cruelty however they are not the norm. And these often organic, humane farms have even more trouble than the average farmer because it costs more to raise animals in a non cruel manner.
So, anyhow. I believe this is one issue that I can make a difference about. I know that people always think what difference can one person make in the grand scheme of things but I know that enough single water drops will fill a pail. I want to feel like I am doing my best not to contribute to this particular issue.
So, someone come eat with me here!
The Vegetarian 100
Have you ever heard of a meme? I was reading my VegNews magazine and saw this...
"A meme is kind of a “tag-you’re-it” of the blog world. Someone posts about something, then links to a few other bloggers they know, who are then tagged to do the same thing. It’s usually a list of questions to answer or a list to check off. These food memes are lists of 100 different food items that foodies of that persuasion should have tried, and bloggers identify which items they’ve actually tried, then add up their score. It’s an interesting way to examine just how adventurous your palate is and where you stand in relation to other food enthusiasts. There are three version of this particular meme: an omnivore 100, a vegetarian 100, and a vegan 100."
I've decided to do the vegetarian 100. I'm not going to tag you guys but it's a cool way to check out some interesting foods you may not have tried. I'd love to know your scores!
Vegetarian 100
The Vegetarian 100 (as generated by Barbara from Tigers and Strawberries)
I’ve bolded the items I’ve tried, I scored 64.
1. Real macaroni and cheese, made from scratch and baked
2. Tabouleh
3. Freshly baked bread, straight from the oven
4. Fresh figs
5. Fresh pomegranate
6. Indian dal of any sort
7. Imam bayildi
8. Pressed spiced Chinese tofu
9. Freshly made hummus
10. Tahini
11. Kimchi
12. Miso
13. Falafel
14. Potato and pea filled samosas
15. Homemade yogurt
16. Muhammara
17. Brie en croute
18. Spanikopita
19. Fresh, vine-ripened heirloom tomatoes
20. Insalata caprese
21. Stir-fried greens (gai lan, bok choi, pea shoots, kale, chard or collards)
22. Freshly made salsa
23. Freshly made guacamole
24. Creme brulee
25. Fava beans
26. Chinese cold sesame peanut noodles
27. Fattoush
28. New potatoes
29. Coleslaw
30. Ratatouille
31. Baba ganoush
32. Winter squash
33. Roasted beets
34. Baked sweet potatoes
35. Plantains
36. Chocolate truffles
37. Garlic mashed potatoes
38. Fresh water chestnuts
39. Steel cut oats
40. Quinoa
41. Grilled portabello mushrooms
42. Chipotle en adobo
43. Stone ground whole grain cornmeal
44. Freshly made corn or wheat tortillas
45. Frittata
46. Basil pesto
47. Roasted garlic
48. Raita of any type
49. Mango lassi
50. Jasmine rice (white or brown)
51. Thai vegetarian coconut milk curry
52. Pumpkin in any form other than pie
53. Fresh apple pear or plum gallette
54. Quince in any form
55. Escarole, endive or arugula
56. Sprouts other than mung bean
57. Naturally brewed soy sauce
58. Dried shiitake mushrooms
59. Unusually colored vegetables (purple cauliflower, blue potatoes, chocolate bell peppers…)
60. Fresh peach ice cream
61. Chevre
62. Medjool dates
63. Kheer
64. Flourless chocolate cake
65. Grilled corn on the cob
66. Black bean (or any other bean) vegetarian chili
67. Tempeh
68. Seitan or wheat gluten
69. Gorgonzola or any other blue veined cheese
70. Sweet potato fries
71. Homemade au gratin potatoes
72. Cream of asparagus soup
73. Artichoke-Parmesan dip
74. Mushroom risotto
75. Fermented black beans
76. Garlic scapes
77. Fresh new baby peas
78. Kalamata olives
79. Preserved lemons
80. Fried green tomatoes
81. Chinese scallion pancakes
82. Cheese souffle
83. Fried apples
84. Homemade frijoles refritos
85. Pasta fagiole
86. Macadamia nuts in any form
87. Paw paw in any form
88. Grilled cheese sandwich of any kind
89. Paneer cheese
90. Ma Po Tofu (vegetarian style–no pork!)
91. Fresh pasta in any form
92. Grilled leeks, scallions or ramps
93. Green papaya salad
94. Baked grain and vegetable stuffed tomatoes
95. Pickled ginger
96. Methi greens
97. Aloo paratha
98. Kedgeree (the original Indian version without the smoked fish, not the British version with fish)
99. Okra
100. Roasted brussels sprouts
"A meme is kind of a “tag-you’re-it” of the blog world. Someone posts about something, then links to a few other bloggers they know, who are then tagged to do the same thing. It’s usually a list of questions to answer or a list to check off. These food memes are lists of 100 different food items that foodies of that persuasion should have tried, and bloggers identify which items they’ve actually tried, then add up their score. It’s an interesting way to examine just how adventurous your palate is and where you stand in relation to other food enthusiasts. There are three version of this particular meme: an omnivore 100, a vegetarian 100, and a vegan 100."
I've decided to do the vegetarian 100. I'm not going to tag you guys but it's a cool way to check out some interesting foods you may not have tried. I'd love to know your scores!
Vegetarian 100
The Vegetarian 100 (as generated by Barbara from Tigers and Strawberries)
I’ve bolded the items I’ve tried, I scored 64.
1. Real macaroni and cheese, made from scratch and baked
2. Tabouleh
3. Freshly baked bread, straight from the oven
4. Fresh figs
5. Fresh pomegranate
6. Indian dal of any sort
7. Imam bayildi
8. Pressed spiced Chinese tofu
9. Freshly made hummus
10. Tahini
11. Kimchi
12. Miso
13. Falafel
14. Potato and pea filled samosas
15. Homemade yogurt
16. Muhammara
17. Brie en croute
18. Spanikopita
19. Fresh, vine-ripened heirloom tomatoes
20. Insalata caprese
21. Stir-fried greens (gai lan, bok choi, pea shoots, kale, chard or collards)
22. Freshly made salsa
23. Freshly made guacamole
24. Creme brulee
25. Fava beans
26. Chinese cold sesame peanut noodles
27. Fattoush
28. New potatoes
29. Coleslaw
30. Ratatouille
31. Baba ganoush
32. Winter squash
33. Roasted beets
34. Baked sweet potatoes
35. Plantains
36. Chocolate truffles
37. Garlic mashed potatoes
38. Fresh water chestnuts
39. Steel cut oats
40. Quinoa
41. Grilled portabello mushrooms
42. Chipotle en adobo
43. Stone ground whole grain cornmeal
44. Freshly made corn or wheat tortillas
45. Frittata
46. Basil pesto
47. Roasted garlic
48. Raita of any type
49. Mango lassi
50. Jasmine rice (white or brown)
51. Thai vegetarian coconut milk curry
52. Pumpkin in any form other than pie
53. Fresh apple pear or plum gallette
54. Quince in any form
55. Escarole, endive or arugula
56. Sprouts other than mung bean
57. Naturally brewed soy sauce
58. Dried shiitake mushrooms
59. Unusually colored vegetables (purple cauliflower, blue potatoes, chocolate bell peppers…)
60. Fresh peach ice cream
61. Chevre
62. Medjool dates
63. Kheer
64. Flourless chocolate cake
65. Grilled corn on the cob
66. Black bean (or any other bean) vegetarian chili
67. Tempeh
68. Seitan or wheat gluten
69. Gorgonzola or any other blue veined cheese
70. Sweet potato fries
71. Homemade au gratin potatoes
72. Cream of asparagus soup
73. Artichoke-Parmesan dip
74. Mushroom risotto
75. Fermented black beans
76. Garlic scapes
77. Fresh new baby peas
78. Kalamata olives
79. Preserved lemons
80. Fried green tomatoes
81. Chinese scallion pancakes
82. Cheese souffle
83. Fried apples
84. Homemade frijoles refritos
85. Pasta fagiole
86. Macadamia nuts in any form
87. Paw paw in any form
88. Grilled cheese sandwich of any kind
89. Paneer cheese
90. Ma Po Tofu (vegetarian style–no pork!)
91. Fresh pasta in any form
92. Grilled leeks, scallions or ramps
93. Green papaya salad
94. Baked grain and vegetable stuffed tomatoes
95. Pickled ginger
96. Methi greens
97. Aloo paratha
98. Kedgeree (the original Indian version without the smoked fish, not the British version with fish)
99. Okra
100. Roasted brussels sprouts
Monday, April 6, 2009
i wanna blog
but i'm so tired.
so tomorrow...watch out for it...it's gonna be about my return to vegetarianism.
so tomorrow...watch out for it...it's gonna be about my return to vegetarianism.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Am I losing focus?
Sometimes I really wonder if I am losing my focus. I am focused on doing what God has for me but I think that lately I seem to see all of those things related to my life. Maybe that doesn't make sense. I used to, and still do, have a passion for the world. For things like AIDS in Africa, human trafficking in Europe, natural disaster victims in Asia, the discarded women of India. I have a heavy heart for the world, but I feel like I have lost focus of these things. I miss preparing for a mission trip. I long to plan a fundraiser for something that speaks to my heart. I want to be more involved. I try to do my part but I don't ever think I will feel like I am doing enough.
I have become really aware lately of the things I buy, how I buy them, what I eat, who is around me. I keep seeing all of these issues in my food, in my durable and non durable goods, in the people on the street. I just keep wondering when I got lazy. Maybe I'm not but it feels that way sometimes.
I don't want to lose focus and forget the issues that mean so much to me. I guess it all comes down to this season of change my life is in because realistically I feel like I'm barely getting along so how could I possibly focus on anything when I can't even focus on the simple little things. I can't decide what city to live in let alone plan any kind of fundraiser.
Sigh...this has got to end at some point, right?
I have become really aware lately of the things I buy, how I buy them, what I eat, who is around me. I keep seeing all of these issues in my food, in my durable and non durable goods, in the people on the street. I just keep wondering when I got lazy. Maybe I'm not but it feels that way sometimes.
I don't want to lose focus and forget the issues that mean so much to me. I guess it all comes down to this season of change my life is in because realistically I feel like I'm barely getting along so how could I possibly focus on anything when I can't even focus on the simple little things. I can't decide what city to live in let alone plan any kind of fundraiser.
Sigh...this has got to end at some point, right?
Why I could never be like the statistic in my previous post.
This is what the current stack of reading material next to my bed looks like.
These are the books I'm currently going through minus one. I'm also reading the third book in the Twilight series.
There are two bibles, my New King James study bible and my New Living Translation that's been around the world with me. I have a thing for bibles. Most of them are in storage but I love reading my bible using different versions. Kind of helps me to get a better idea of what's being said. I especially love when the different versions say exactly the same thing in the same verse.
There is the Art of Basic Drawing that I bought when I picked up my pencils again to draw something specially requested by Brenda. That book reminded me a lot of what I learned when I was in college and reminds me how much I love art.
The Man Comes Around is about the spiritual journey of Johnny Cash. I think I've read parts of this book several times but I really enjoy it. I brought it along with me when I moved because it's just time to finally finish it.
I have an affinity for Stephen King books. It's a love affair that started long, long ago when I was about 14. I picked this book up on my way to Chicago. It's weird, of course, but good. Typical SK.
There are two books by Lisa Bevere. Out of Control and Loving It! (which I know sounds like a bad after school special,) was recommended to me by Jason because he read it and thought it would be perfect for me based on where I am in life right now. It's about being out of control in life but being ok with it because if we are out of control but let God control our lives then it's ok. Then we'll begin to realize that we're right where God wants us to be. It's a great book. The other one, The True Measure of a Woman seems like it's going to be great too...but I'm supposed to be going through that one with a friend so I haven't read past the first chapter.
Then there are the two books that I just can't put down. Spiritual House Cleaning and How to Minister Freedom. Both are books about spiritual warfare focusing on how to make sure your house is spiritually clean and keep it that way and the other to teach about how to deal with different aspects of spiritual warfare. They are both very good books. I'm really into them both and learning a lot.
So, why so many books all at once. Well, it's simple...I get bored easily. I read several books at once because it helps me to really read and learn and not get bored. Some of the easier reads I can just sit and crank out but I try to spread my reading around so I get some of the good stuff in too.
I'm always taking suggestions on new books to read, so if you have any send them my way!
These are the books I'm currently going through minus one. I'm also reading the third book in the Twilight series.There are two bibles, my New King James study bible and my New Living Translation that's been around the world with me. I have a thing for bibles. Most of them are in storage but I love reading my bible using different versions. Kind of helps me to get a better idea of what's being said. I especially love when the different versions say exactly the same thing in the same verse.
There is the Art of Basic Drawing that I bought when I picked up my pencils again to draw something specially requested by Brenda. That book reminded me a lot of what I learned when I was in college and reminds me how much I love art.
The Man Comes Around is about the spiritual journey of Johnny Cash. I think I've read parts of this book several times but I really enjoy it. I brought it along with me when I moved because it's just time to finally finish it.
I have an affinity for Stephen King books. It's a love affair that started long, long ago when I was about 14. I picked this book up on my way to Chicago. It's weird, of course, but good. Typical SK.
There are two books by Lisa Bevere. Out of Control and Loving It! (which I know sounds like a bad after school special,) was recommended to me by Jason because he read it and thought it would be perfect for me based on where I am in life right now. It's about being out of control in life but being ok with it because if we are out of control but let God control our lives then it's ok. Then we'll begin to realize that we're right where God wants us to be. It's a great book. The other one, The True Measure of a Woman seems like it's going to be great too...but I'm supposed to be going through that one with a friend so I haven't read past the first chapter.
Then there are the two books that I just can't put down. Spiritual House Cleaning and How to Minister Freedom. Both are books about spiritual warfare focusing on how to make sure your house is spiritually clean and keep it that way and the other to teach about how to deal with different aspects of spiritual warfare. They are both very good books. I'm really into them both and learning a lot.
So, why so many books all at once. Well, it's simple...I get bored easily. I read several books at once because it helps me to really read and learn and not get bored. Some of the easier reads I can just sit and crank out but I try to spread my reading around so I get some of the good stuff in too.
I'm always taking suggestions on new books to read, so if you have any send them my way!
Friday, April 3, 2009
Disturbing statistic...
Today I heard a disturbing statistic, something like 25% of women aged 18-34 would rather lose their ability to read than be ugly!
REALLY?!?! I mean SERIOUSLY!?!? You've got to be JOKING!!!
I would rather be ugly hands down. The ability to read is so much more important to me. I think it's so sad and shows where society is going if we continue to teach young people that looks are more important than oh, I don't know...YOUR BRAIN! Just makes me sad I guess.
REALLY?!?! I mean SERIOUSLY!?!? You've got to be JOKING!!!
I would rather be ugly hands down. The ability to read is so much more important to me. I think it's so sad and shows where society is going if we continue to teach young people that looks are more important than oh, I don't know...YOUR BRAIN! Just makes me sad I guess.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
"kind of dicked next to each other"
Ok, before you get crazy on me for my foul language...it was a typo in an email I sent to a friend of mine but it still seems to sum things up so nicely. We were discussing some of the things we have going on in our lives and she was telling me that it seems like we are kind of in the same boat...and I responded to her saying "Nah, not the same boat, just kind of dicked next to each other." I meant to say "docked" but after we laughed about it we both realized that dicked seemed more fitting.
Now before I start "complaining" please let me say this…I know I’m not dying and things could be way worse. It’s not the worst it can be and believe me…I realize this…I also realize that it’s going to get better too. So as much as I know all of these things I still FEEL crappy. Feeling and knowing…two very different things, so please don’t misunderstand what I write. Or misunderstand all you want…that’s fine too…for the three people that actually read my blog I think you know me well enough to know that I KNOW it will get better and that I will come out of this to an exponentially greater situation. Believe me…I KNOW that…now on to how I FEEL.
I feel miserable. Inadequate. Discarded. Completely defeated. Misunderstood and misrepresented. And a whole host of other adjectives that tend to have negative connotations.
It just seems to be coming at me from every angle lately. It all started with a few prophetic words from Jason Ramos...I'm kidding. (Jason, if you ever read this...that was just for you!) I'll be honest, I think this blog is more for me than it is for all of you...actually I'm sure of it. So if you want a little glimpse into my life read on, and if it gets to be too lengthy for you that's ok with me. It's probably going to be a long one, but then again do I really know how to write a short blog??? The evidence would point to "No."
Let's start with my job. It's been difficult to say the least. Laid off twice, asked to stay twice. Then watching people leave that I should have left with. It's not easy. Yes, I am thankful that I have a job until June 30th but I am also ready for it to be over. I feel like I come to work everyday and the rest of my life sits and waits for me to finish work so that I can see what life has for me. 7 days before 01/29 I had to reevaluate and then 12 days before 03/31 I had to reevaluate again. It's an easy and difficult decision at the same time. A paycheck isn't everything that work is all about and there are positives and negatives about staying. Especially when my company and my job aren't what they used to be. Thankful as I am for my job and my continued employment with Chase I miss Washington Mutual. When you work for a company for most of your adult life you get used to the people and the quirkiness and it's strange to miss a corporation...but I really do. I miss WaMu. Most of all I miss the people. I lost a member of my team on 01/29 that I was supposed to leave with and she was probably the person I miss most from my day to day interactions at the office. (Minus my IM relationship with my boss and good friend.) Then yesterday came and went and I lost 12 of my closest working relationships. I lost my boss and amazing friend Leigh, and two more members of my team. Then I lost my first team, the team that I came from before this team. All but one of the people I worked with when I first came to Irvine are gone. We laughed, we reminisced and yes...we cried. I cried like a baby at one point. These people, who I see more than I see my family, I won't get to see everyday any longer. People who have made a huge impact on my life...gone. The room they all sat in is empty today. I can't hear them all joking and laughing and working...it's just quiet. It's bittersweet to be here today. I can't wait to work from home again tomorrow. It will be a welcome distraction from the changes that have happened here in Irvine. Where we once occupied all four building on the campus and now occupy one...and share rooms, losing our cubicles to employees who will have permanent jobs with Chase. Being in a temporary state in a place that used to feel so permanent and secure. I am thankful to be here, but I'm so saddened over the whole thing. It's so emotional that I can't describe it all. The feelings that so many people seem to share...losing a job in hopes of gaining so much more. I am confident that 95% of the people that leave here will end up in a much better situation where they find a fulfillment and appreciation that they never quite had here, but change is hard and scary and inevitable. I guess getting laid off offers one support...a severance package.
Then comes the remaining pieces of my life. I don't even know where to begin. The feeling of inadequacy I have around all of it is crushing. It's like this heavy feeling of failure in all aspects.
I'm 29 years old and I live with my mom. (Granted this came out of a circumstance out of my control but it still feels like I have failed to be an adult in the most fundamental of ways, providing myself a place to live.) It's a temporary situation that brings all of these weird feelings with it that I'm not used to. The lack of personal space is extremely difficult. As much as I love my 12 year old brother, I don't want to share a room with him. I find it difficult to read in a house that has constant movement and noise. It's next to impossible to nap. It's hard to sleep in a twin sized bed that creaks and moans if you move one little inch. It's hard on my dog and my nerves. And living out of storage bins and bags and boxes about drives me crazy. I look for the same shirt 5 times and then finally find it in the bin I originally thought it was in. My brain doesn't know if it can handle algebra homework, and car rides and arguments. I love my family, I'm thankful for my mom offering me a temporary place to stay and as much as I love seeing them everyday my sanity is, well I'm losing it. It's just that it feels like moving backwards. Although temporary and probably the smartest thing I could do in the long run it's not easy. Sometimes I want to cry but let's be honest if I did that everyone would know since I would have to do it in the middle of the living room. I never thought sitting on the edge of the bathtub for 10 minutes could be so relaxing...but if you turn on the fan in there you almost can't hear whatever else is going on in the rest of the house. It's magical! It's the little things I guess. 10 minutes of peace...it goes a long way.
Speaking of peace, there seems to be none of it in some of my situations. I don't really know what else to call them at this point but there are two that bring me an especially intense amount of pain, anxiety, irritation and confusion. I DEFINITELY am not willing to be an open book about either of them but I know that the fact that these things are invaded my dreams and conversations and thoughts on a multiple times a day basis is God shouting at me to find some resolution but that's just it...what??? It's a constant battle of my mind and heart of what to do. I want to do what's right, not what FEELS right because I want to find resolution now just feel better about it. Because in the long run I need to resolve them both not just feel better about them for now.
Another thing that brings me intense feelings of inadequacy are the constant reminders from people that I am not married. Big freaking deal! I know I'm almost 30, I hear it ALL the time, but I'm perfectly happy alone. I mean sure it'd be nice to have someone around but there's not something wrong with me because I don't. Lately it's been question after question after question about boyfriends and husbands and it's just irritating. I date people, just because I don't tell everyone or find one that's worth an extended relationship doesn't mean I'm broken. It gets to me...if people say it enough you begin to believe it. I hope I am never that person who makes someone feel the way the people have made me feel. I am not inadequate because I am alone and I hate feeling that way.
Then there's this nagging feeling that I'm not where God would want me to be. I guess I think I'm not doing enough and really if I felt like I was I guess that wouldn't be the best things either, but when everything else seems to be just floating around I would love to feel accomplished in some area. I feel closer to God than I ever have in a lot of ways but along with that comes this intense feeling like I'm not doing enough of what He wants me to be doing. It's frustrating.
Then on top of it all is this horrible feeling that I'm completely misunderstood. I know I'm definitely not the feel good sweetheart of the bunch. I'm cranky and blunt and I can be pretty stubborn and difficult to deal with. I know all of this, but lately it seems like my friends, (the people who know this about me and thank God, love me anyways,) seem to be taking the things I say or do out of context. Or as mean. Maybe I'm just being insensitive lately. It is something I have to work on because I know that most people can't handle my personality as it is so I work on it. Not being so honest and mean and forthcoming, I've learned I don't have to say everything I think. But it's difficult when the people who you need to understand you when nothing else makes sense...don't.
I guess that's all for now. I've been working on this silly blog for three days now. I feel like I've been complaining way too much but I had to get some of it out. I know there are much worse things out there. I have a friend right now who is extremely sick and I look at her life and I know there's nothing to this emotional mess I am. (By the way, if you're a prayer person please pray for my friend.)
Alright, I'm done complaining now.
Now before I start "complaining" please let me say this…I know I’m not dying and things could be way worse. It’s not the worst it can be and believe me…I realize this…I also realize that it’s going to get better too. So as much as I know all of these things I still FEEL crappy. Feeling and knowing…two very different things, so please don’t misunderstand what I write. Or misunderstand all you want…that’s fine too…for the three people that actually read my blog I think you know me well enough to know that I KNOW it will get better and that I will come out of this to an exponentially greater situation. Believe me…I KNOW that…now on to how I FEEL.
I feel miserable. Inadequate. Discarded. Completely defeated. Misunderstood and misrepresented. And a whole host of other adjectives that tend to have negative connotations.
It just seems to be coming at me from every angle lately. It all started with a few prophetic words from Jason Ramos...I'm kidding. (Jason, if you ever read this...that was just for you!) I'll be honest, I think this blog is more for me than it is for all of you...actually I'm sure of it. So if you want a little glimpse into my life read on, and if it gets to be too lengthy for you that's ok with me. It's probably going to be a long one, but then again do I really know how to write a short blog??? The evidence would point to "No."
Let's start with my job. It's been difficult to say the least. Laid off twice, asked to stay twice. Then watching people leave that I should have left with. It's not easy. Yes, I am thankful that I have a job until June 30th but I am also ready for it to be over. I feel like I come to work everyday and the rest of my life sits and waits for me to finish work so that I can see what life has for me. 7 days before 01/29 I had to reevaluate and then 12 days before 03/31 I had to reevaluate again. It's an easy and difficult decision at the same time. A paycheck isn't everything that work is all about and there are positives and negatives about staying. Especially when my company and my job aren't what they used to be. Thankful as I am for my job and my continued employment with Chase I miss Washington Mutual. When you work for a company for most of your adult life you get used to the people and the quirkiness and it's strange to miss a corporation...but I really do. I miss WaMu. Most of all I miss the people. I lost a member of my team on 01/29 that I was supposed to leave with and she was probably the person I miss most from my day to day interactions at the office. (Minus my IM relationship with my boss and good friend.) Then yesterday came and went and I lost 12 of my closest working relationships. I lost my boss and amazing friend Leigh, and two more members of my team. Then I lost my first team, the team that I came from before this team. All but one of the people I worked with when I first came to Irvine are gone. We laughed, we reminisced and yes...we cried. I cried like a baby at one point. These people, who I see more than I see my family, I won't get to see everyday any longer. People who have made a huge impact on my life...gone. The room they all sat in is empty today. I can't hear them all joking and laughing and working...it's just quiet. It's bittersweet to be here today. I can't wait to work from home again tomorrow. It will be a welcome distraction from the changes that have happened here in Irvine. Where we once occupied all four building on the campus and now occupy one...and share rooms, losing our cubicles to employees who will have permanent jobs with Chase. Being in a temporary state in a place that used to feel so permanent and secure. I am thankful to be here, but I'm so saddened over the whole thing. It's so emotional that I can't describe it all. The feelings that so many people seem to share...losing a job in hopes of gaining so much more. I am confident that 95% of the people that leave here will end up in a much better situation where they find a fulfillment and appreciation that they never quite had here, but change is hard and scary and inevitable. I guess getting laid off offers one support...a severance package.
Then comes the remaining pieces of my life. I don't even know where to begin. The feeling of inadequacy I have around all of it is crushing. It's like this heavy feeling of failure in all aspects.
I'm 29 years old and I live with my mom. (Granted this came out of a circumstance out of my control but it still feels like I have failed to be an adult in the most fundamental of ways, providing myself a place to live.) It's a temporary situation that brings all of these weird feelings with it that I'm not used to. The lack of personal space is extremely difficult. As much as I love my 12 year old brother, I don't want to share a room with him. I find it difficult to read in a house that has constant movement and noise. It's next to impossible to nap. It's hard to sleep in a twin sized bed that creaks and moans if you move one little inch. It's hard on my dog and my nerves. And living out of storage bins and bags and boxes about drives me crazy. I look for the same shirt 5 times and then finally find it in the bin I originally thought it was in. My brain doesn't know if it can handle algebra homework, and car rides and arguments. I love my family, I'm thankful for my mom offering me a temporary place to stay and as much as I love seeing them everyday my sanity is, well I'm losing it. It's just that it feels like moving backwards. Although temporary and probably the smartest thing I could do in the long run it's not easy. Sometimes I want to cry but let's be honest if I did that everyone would know since I would have to do it in the middle of the living room. I never thought sitting on the edge of the bathtub for 10 minutes could be so relaxing...but if you turn on the fan in there you almost can't hear whatever else is going on in the rest of the house. It's magical! It's the little things I guess. 10 minutes of peace...it goes a long way.
Speaking of peace, there seems to be none of it in some of my situations. I don't really know what else to call them at this point but there are two that bring me an especially intense amount of pain, anxiety, irritation and confusion. I DEFINITELY am not willing to be an open book about either of them but I know that the fact that these things are invaded my dreams and conversations and thoughts on a multiple times a day basis is God shouting at me to find some resolution but that's just it...what??? It's a constant battle of my mind and heart of what to do. I want to do what's right, not what FEELS right because I want to find resolution now just feel better about it. Because in the long run I need to resolve them both not just feel better about them for now.
Another thing that brings me intense feelings of inadequacy are the constant reminders from people that I am not married. Big freaking deal! I know I'm almost 30, I hear it ALL the time, but I'm perfectly happy alone. I mean sure it'd be nice to have someone around but there's not something wrong with me because I don't. Lately it's been question after question after question about boyfriends and husbands and it's just irritating. I date people, just because I don't tell everyone or find one that's worth an extended relationship doesn't mean I'm broken. It gets to me...if people say it enough you begin to believe it. I hope I am never that person who makes someone feel the way the people have made me feel. I am not inadequate because I am alone and I hate feeling that way.
Then there's this nagging feeling that I'm not where God would want me to be. I guess I think I'm not doing enough and really if I felt like I was I guess that wouldn't be the best things either, but when everything else seems to be just floating around I would love to feel accomplished in some area. I feel closer to God than I ever have in a lot of ways but along with that comes this intense feeling like I'm not doing enough of what He wants me to be doing. It's frustrating.
Then on top of it all is this horrible feeling that I'm completely misunderstood. I know I'm definitely not the feel good sweetheart of the bunch. I'm cranky and blunt and I can be pretty stubborn and difficult to deal with. I know all of this, but lately it seems like my friends, (the people who know this about me and thank God, love me anyways,) seem to be taking the things I say or do out of context. Or as mean. Maybe I'm just being insensitive lately. It is something I have to work on because I know that most people can't handle my personality as it is so I work on it. Not being so honest and mean and forthcoming, I've learned I don't have to say everything I think. But it's difficult when the people who you need to understand you when nothing else makes sense...don't.
I guess that's all for now. I've been working on this silly blog for three days now. I feel like I've been complaining way too much but I had to get some of it out. I know there are much worse things out there. I have a friend right now who is extremely sick and I look at her life and I know there's nothing to this emotional mess I am. (By the way, if you're a prayer person please pray for my friend.)
Alright, I'm done complaining now.
Coffee...yes please.
I think I'm addicted to coffee...Starbucks to be specific.
We have what could be considered the worst “coffee” (I use the word loosely here,) ever here at the office. Thankfully I will be working from home again tomorrow but being forced to drink the office swill is like a punishment greater than death! (I’m cranky people…and it’s worse in the morning without my coffee.) Starbucks has been my saving grace! Thank you for Skinny Lattes, sometimes Vanilla, Extra Hot with two Splendas! You save me each and every morning!
My pocketbook however is glad that I’ll be home again starting tomorrow so I can resume my home brewed coffee drinking!
Oh, and if you are going to hit up Starbucks regularly like I do. Invest in a tumbler. You save the environment and $0.10 on each drink. Our planet says “Thank you!”
Oh, and if you are going to hit up Starbucks regularly like I do. Invest in a tumbler. You save the environment and $0.10 on each drink. Our planet says “Thank you!”
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