And I really don't like that. I think in a lot of ways this feeling is me trying to not be vulnerable or afraid, but the truth is I am afraid. Don't get me wrong, I am positive that I will be ok, probably much better than ok, on the other side of all of this. But in the meantime, I'm afraid and insecure and stressed out and feeling so overwhelmed and crazy. I think this all translate into a Nicole who wants to appear to be fine on the outside but who says and does things that are kind of strange because I'm just trying to cover up what I'm really feeling. I think I have alienated some of the people I have just met because they don't know me and have no idea that I'm not usually this way. I just feel like I haven't really put my best foot forward with some people and that bothers me because I know who and how I really am.
Sigh...I just want to be me. Whether that's scared, happy, crazy for a day, sad. The problem now is, I just have to let myself.
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