Friday, May 30, 2008

All good things must come to an end.

The past two days really, have been rough for me. I had my year end review for Catalyst yesterday. It brought this finality to the end of my two years of ministry school that just wasn’t there up until now. Up until now it’s been this great break from classes and looking forward to the end of internship this weekend. I mean I joked with Paul last weekend that he had only one more week to call me and ask me to pick up something that was forgotten at Main St. It’s all been this kind of fun, relaxing break…until yesterday.

Yesterday I realized that it’s over.

I thought this day would never come. But it’s here…and it makes me sad. I mean I have a couple loose ends to tie up but it’s pretty much over and done with. And I sat in Billy’s office for the last time as a Catalyst student yesterday. I sat there with Billy, Jason and Mary and talked about my two years, my experience. It felt so final. So complete.

I realized a lot of things in Billy’s office yesterday.

First and foremost I learned that Billy Phipps really has been the most influential person that happened to me during Catalyst. He has been my spiritual mentor for two years. He knows more about me than most people. My mistakes, my triumphs, how I deal with my life, he knows it all. When I can’t figure out things about my life, when I’m frustrated, he’s frustrated too. He reminded me that he will always be there. That his office door is always open. That they, (him and Annie,) aren’t going anywhere. That I will always be his “best ever.” I sat in that office and cried like I always do knowing that he meant what he said and that God gave me Billy Phipps and his family to fill a hole in my heart that God has always known was Phipps sized.

I learned that I have grown in the past two years in ways I never thought possible; and that other people have noticed it too. That even though I never fully realized God’s purpose for my life that’s ok…I put another piece in that puzzle and I really think that between me and God that puzzle is just missing a couple pieces, and I’m not gonna stop looking until I find them. (I just hope the dog didn’t eat them!)

I also learned that God can take someone who has known you for a very small amount of time and give them insight into your life that you had no idea someone else could see. Jason Ramos is amazing…I’ll start with that. I look forward to getting to know him and Denise alot better. Jason said something yesterday that I never expected to hear, and that I realized he figured out without even knowing most of my background. Jason said to me that I am a “momma” to so many people, whether it’s been chosen for me or if I have taken it on myself. And he encouraged me to take those experiences and realize that God is probably preparing me for a ministry where I would need those skills. That’s a lot to take in, to think about, to realize that God is constantly preparing us for ministry. This isn’t a surprise but sometimes I just don’t realize that my struggles, the things that stress me out so much are Gods way of saying, “Hey, you’re gonna be more than prepared for what I am going to give you. I’ve trained you personally and there is no better trainer than me.” Jason said God has amazing things for me, Billy said it too, and I believe them because they believe it and they can see in me what I can’t see in myself. And that amazes me.

I cried more yesterday in Billy’s office than I normally do. I don’t think it’s the most I have cried in that office, (that office could make the most stoic person cry like a baby,) but it was definitely one of the more emotional meetings I have had in there. A ton of other things were said and I guess those are mine to keep…but it’s over. Really over. That’s scary…life can happen however I choose it too.

God please help me make the right decisions. Guide my steps and let me never forget what I have learned these past two years.

I read an article on child soldiers last week.

And…it breaks my heart. Not the article, the problem.

One of the first things I thought of was 1 Corinthians 13:11, “It's like this: When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child does. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.”

“When I grew up, I put away childish things.”

So where does this leave a little boy or girl who has been forced or recruited as a child soldier? For statistical purposes, child soldiers are considered to be children under the age of 18. No one is really sure how young the youngest child soldiers are, some say as young as 11, others 8 and I have even heard claims of children as young as 5. Five years old, are five year olds even big enough to carry AK-47s or M-16s? I mean I have a hard time shooting a gun that large, (and yes I have actually shot an AK-47 and M-16 more than once.)

But I think about this and wonder…what happens to their childhood…their chance to speak, think, reason and to have the faith of a child. For the most part, this doesn’t happen in America. Our military does not recruit citizens who are under 18 and on top of that military involvement in the United States is voluntary. But in countries where civil war, poverty, and long time conflicts are common the pool that the military is chosen from isn’t restricted to people over 18. In some places, it isn’t restricted at all. Children become dispensable. Useful to rebels because they can be easily forced to do what they are told. They can take their young minds and fill them with fear, a fear so great that the children are afraid to leave, afraid to be anything except a child soldier forced to kill and perform atrocious acts that will scar them forever. Forever abandoning their childlike faith…thoughts…actions…forced to grow up and forsake childish things.

In some countries more than a third of these children are girls. Children are chosen because they are physically and emotionally immature, easily manipulated. Children are more likely to become soldiers if they are poor, separated from their families, displaced from their homes, living in a combat zone or have limited access to education. Children join because they believe that the group will offer food or security. Many are forcibly recruited or abducted by armed groups. Often girls are raped or given to military officials as “wives.” Many are forced to the front lines or sent into minefields ahead of older troops. Some children are used for suicide missions. Some are forced to commit atrocities against their families to stigmatize them and prevent them from returning home.

We are failing children everywhere. We sit in our living rooms and watch TV and avoid looking at the things that remind us that there is an uncomfortable world out there. I think Jesus would be ashamed. The same Jesus who blessed the children when they were brought to him; and said that His promises were for them too.

I know they are a world away, but let’s be honest, you can call their world using your cell phone, you can be in their world in less than a day via airplane, you can watch what’s going on in their world on your television and you can read all about their world online…you can help. We all can.

Jesus told us to be lights….lights on a hill. The sun’s light reaches us from light years away and all we have to do is let our light shine to the world. It’s 100% possible. You just have to want to make that difference.

The article is here, and you can read more about child solders and how to help here and here too.

Friday, May 16, 2008

“I’m going to Jackson, you turn loose of my coat.”

If you don’t recognize the aforementioned lyric well then you definitely are not a Johnny Cash fan. It’s one of his more famous songs, (I think this is especially true since the movie Walk the Line came out.) Anyhow, I was raised with an eclectic mix of music thanks to a white family from Oklahoma who taught me to appreciate country music from the 40’s until now and a black family who taught me to appreciate Motown, I am now an adult who appreciates the full gamut of music. There’s very little music that I don’t like, I know that I am not a fan of Jack Johnson, Coldplay and Dave Matthews Band, but besides that I can pretty much appreciate it all.

So, today’s tribute is to country music. You can thank shuffle on the iPod for this one. Johnny Cash entered the rotation around 8:15 this morning and there’s just something about his music that brings a feeling of calm to me and a smile to my face. Then I realized that it’s not necessarily Johnny Cash but more or less, country music from the 40’s – late 80’s.

This is the music of my childhood. Artists like Johnny Cash, The Limelighters, Marty Robbins, John Denver, Randy Travis, Alabama, Hank Thompson, Charley Pride, Merle Haggard, George Straight, Willie Nelson, Waylon Jennings, Tennessee Ernie Ford, Alan Jackson, Neil Diamond, Ernest Tubb, Johnny Horton and the list goes on and on.

This the music that reminds me of weekend trips to Lake Isabella, road trips to Colorado for family reunions, trips to Oklahoma and Arkansas, rides in the blazer with my dad, the black car, grandpa’s truck, making Bob Bride do headstands so we could steal his change, running through the house on Faywood St. My childhood was filled with music. The stereo was always on. If someone was cooking dinner, fixing something out in the garage, reading a book, playing Barbies or Cabbage Patch Kids, working on puzzles, quilting, knitting, running in and out of the house, the stereo was always on. ALWAYS.

I’m thankful for that now, that when a song pops into my head or comes up in shuffle that it brings me happy memories. Some of my best memories come from that time in my life. When life was simple, when so many of the people I cherished were still here. I can’t help but think of my grandma Jeanie and grandpa Garland. They loved one another so much, even if you never would have known it based on how they argued with each other. They kept us all together and made sure we did things as a family. They taught me to be strong, to love myself and my family, to treat people with respect, to value my freedom and country and to stand up for what is important. My grandpa was one of the first people that I lost that I was really old enough to understand that impact of that. I was 14, I was there when it happened and I was forever changed. My grandma is the reason I am who I am today. She was the most important person in my life, and she still is. I miss her everyday and when she left she left a hole in my heart that I know no one will ever fill. She was my everything, even if I didn’t know it then.

So…I am so happy that they left me a legacy of love in song. When I miss them or I just don’t seem to feel right, I can always turn on a little Marty and feel good again. I’m glad my life is one filled with the music of my childhood and even though most people wouldn’t even think to listen to it, that’s ok, because I could care less if you like it! It means the world to me.

“My heartaches and troubles are just up and gone, The moment that you come in view. And with your hand in mine dear, I could dance on and on I could waltz across Texas with you.”


Tuesday, May 13, 2008

One more thing about Moms Day

According to Corre my people refer to our mothers as "moms." Example "Moms and I went to Hollywood Park on Mother's Day."

Speaking of Mother's Day and my people, I bought three Mahogany cards on Mother's Day. Mahogany is Hallmark's African American line of cards. They were awesome. First they all refer to Mom as "Mama" and second they just say the most amazing things! No joke. Like the one I got my aunt basically said "You always taught me not to take anyone's crap." My grandma's talked about how black women hold their families together and my mom's was just mushy, but talked about how "I never noticed how my shoes were always newer than yours..." and stuff like that.

My conclusion...everyone from here on out, black or not, gets Mahogany cards.

I love my people.
(This includes my white people too for all of you who always get all bothered when I say that!)

Monday, May 12, 2008

Ok, this is the last blog of the day...

So apparently today is a day for blogs. I haven't blogged in two weeks and here I am posting four in one day. I guess I am making up for lost time.


So, this is really important. You listening now? There was a huge cyclone in Myanmar, (Burma,) and the death toll has risen from 3,500 to over 31,000 and there are expected to be over 2 million people facing disease and starvation. There is a great story about it here, http://wcbstv.com/topstories/myanmar.us.aid.2.721577.html. The U.S. is sending aid in the form of food and medical supplies and I am doing the best I can by praying for the people of Myanmar. I encourage you to do the same, or better yet do something more and GO HELP! ;) I wish I could.

Now to one of my favorite topics, Fair Trade. I finally used my birthday gift certificate from Mike, (thank you Michael,) to buy this amazing Vietnamese tea infuser and Ugandan coffee.


He got me a gift certificate to Global Exchange an online Fair Trade store. I am a true believer in the fact that one person can make a difference. One of my favorite verses Isaiah 58:10 says, "And if you give yourself to the hungry And satisfy the desire of the afflicted, Then your light will rise in darkness And your gloom {will become} like midday." I mean it's amazing to me that God tells us to do something to help the suffering then our light will rise in darkness. I mean we can show God's love and light by simply helping those less fortunate than ourselves. Whether this is the man who sits on the freeway offramp with a sign that spells out his situation and his need for insulin or a child in Africa or Romania that just needs someone to show them God's love, we have the power to show them the light of God. That's HUGE.


I know that I will never forget the children of Romania, children who live in a situation that would never happen in America. Children witho simple diseases or handicaps that we would never let kids in America suffer through life with. Things that are easily healed or that can be easily healed.


I also know that I will never forget the children of Africa. Unlike the kids I saw in Romania, the African children were healthy but underfed and poor. Living in conditions that we don't even think of, living in cardboard houses with no walls or walking miles for clean water.


So, I buy Fair Trade for a few reasons one of them being that I don't ever want to be someone who contributes to the downfall of these children. I think that buying Fair Trade is just a small way that I can say I want my light to shine like midday.


Here are some pictures of Africa, (because of government restrictions we were not allowed to take pictures of the children in Romania.)


A day for mom's.

So, Mother's Day was yesterday and I spent the day with my mom, sister, brother, grandma, aunt, great aunt, cousins...you get the idea. We spent the day at Hollywood Park, yes, the horse races. What better way to spend a day celebrating your mom then betting $3 per horse race and eating tons of great food. I had a really great time with my family and of course, with my mom. So whether you have a mom, dad, aunt, grandma...whoever you think of as mom, I hope you had as great of a day with your family as I had with mine.

The first horse race.



This is my cousin Tyler and her 2 year old Jalen. He's hilarious and he loved the horses.


Can't you just feel the love? The little sister and brother.



That's my grandma. She was mad that I took her picture while she was eating.


My great Aunt Judy is a pro at the races. She brings the newspaper, makes notes and bets on every race. I have no idea how much she won, but I am sure she was up money.

Finally...the mom and I.


I'm constantly changing my mind.

I want new hair! haha!


Inspiration...Rihanna...


The thing is I kind of had this hair not too long ago. It was just a little less soft. My old hair...



What are your thoughts? I know Natalie agrees because she said to me, you should do this hair again...




Remember that whole gay man posting...

Today I answered my phone and my mom said "Are you ok? You sounded like a man."

Friday I was in the drive thru and the guy said "Can I get you anything else sir?"

My conclusion...I sound man-ish.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Going up?

So, this may seem like a ridiculous thing to go over but when you work on the 4th story of an office building where the stairs are for emergencies only elevator etiquette becomes extremely important. So, after becoming mildly irritated on my way down to the parking lot today I decided that I would blog out my frustrations.

Elevator Etiquette

#1: When waiting for the elevator do not rush into the elevator without first making sure someone else isn’t coming out.

I understand that very rarely when you are spaced out or looking down at your phone and not paying any attention you might run onto the elevator without checking but this should be a RARE occasion. It should never become habit to just steamroll your way onto the elevator. Nothing bothers me more than trying to get out of the elevator to five people trying to get on. Here’s a hint for you all…you can’t get on the elevator until the six people on it get off! There just isn’t room!

#2: When waiting for the elevator with other people the people who have been waiting longest and are closest to the elevator should be allowed to get on the elevator first.

If you are waiting in the vestibule for the elevator with other people it’s only polite to allow the person who has been waiting for the elevator longest, and is most likely closest, to the elevator to enter first. For one thing, this allows for the best possible flow of traffic. If you rush past the person who has been patiently waiting you will most likely irritate them, cause an awkward moment where two people are trying to get into the elevator at the same time and possibly cause a major traffic jam by not abiding elevator etiquette don’t #1. Trust me, rushing past the person who was waiting isn’t going to get you to the desired floor any faster because let’s be honest here, you still have to wait for them to get on the elevator! Even if you wanted to close the door on them the elevator just doesn’t respond to anyone pushing any button that quickly. Avoid the awkward moment and have a bit of patience!
(This is what so irritated me today.)

#3: (This is an extension of #2) When on the elevator with several people the people who were on the elevator first should be allowed to exit first. That is, of course unless the elevator is maxed out, then the person closest to the door should leave first.

Ok, so like I said this is an extension of #2, don’t be the jerk that runs onto the elevator and then cuts the person off again because you have the need to run out. (This is when I hope someone doing #1 runs into you and causes you to realize the error of your ways.) All this does is confirm your level of rudeness to your coworkers. (Again, what happened to me today.)

#4: Unless the elevator is as full as possible you should not stand close to the one person on the elevator besides you.

This is what creepy people do. Don’t be creepy people.

#5: Letting the door shut in the face of the person you know works in the cubicle next to yours.

This sometimes happens when you aren’t aware of who is approaching the elevator but if you know that the person approaching the elevator works upstairs, or better yet, on your floor like three cubicles away, you shouldn’t let the door shut on them. Be a nice person and hold the door. Because all this will do is make your coworker think that not only are you the giant jerk who puts people down in meetings but you’re also the inconsiderate person who doesn’t hold the elevator.

That’s all for now, but I am sure there will be more to come.

Monday, April 14, 2008

"i look like a sexy gay man"

so, i got my hair cut. i REALLY like it! but on saturday after i got home i was chatting with brenda about the new hair and i emailed her a picture. now it was right after i got home, so i had on no make up and i went outside to attempt to take a picture of my highlights and well our conversation went a little something like this...

nicole: "ok, i took some pictures, i took one outside so you could maybe see my highlights. none of them are very good but i'm sending them."
brenda: ok, cool
nicole: i look like a boy in the one outside.
brenda: kinda, but it's still cute
nicole: i look like a sexy gay man
brenda: well...

you be your own judge.